…..some thoughts…

so many things go through my mind…I hope I can write many of them down….

i love you…..realizing that you are growing up with out me is so hard. I mean you see me often, though not as often as I would like….or as often as a “real dad” does. Honestly I wish you lived with me, so that I can see you everyday. So that I can teach you and talk to you about the things that I think are important to know…..but it isn’t like that. You are growing up with your mom (which is important) but you are also growing up with your mom’s husband. From the times I have met him….he seems to be a good person, always respectful, and a nice guy. …….. I guess I should just say it….. I feel “jealous”….. not like a “boy who found out his girl is talking to somebody else..jealous” but the kind of jealousness that feels hurtful…..the kind that feels…”I wish I could do that”. Caleb… I wish I could be the one to be there for you at all times…when you come home from school and need to tell somebody something. You are my boy and I know it….There is going to be one day when you are going to understand me…I know there is…but I wish you could understand me now….now that you are young. Not when it is too late, or later.

I just want you to know that I truly love you. You are so incredibly important to me. I value everything about you. You are extremely important to me.